Iggy's Short Adventures in his Journal of Stuff
by Hoprabbit
Summary: Iggy's blindness isn't all liability.
1. The Geek

Blindness really isn't that bad. I've lived with it for a little over ten years, so I know.

And today, my blindness wasn't a liability. It was the difference between the flock's life and death.

"IGGY! Move, Move, Move!" Max's voice pounded in my ears. All the others had gotten the U & A signal, but I couldn't see it. I didn't see how Fang could stand to watch HER sleep at night. I loved her like a sister, but, oh my god! She was louder than a bulldozer, and during her voice attacks, snored like a CHAINSAW.

The flyboy right behind me was chanting something like "We are strong." I didn't care. Hard as a rock, I backpedaled and the flyboy slammed into me. It hurt for a moment, but this was a fight. No room for sissies. I spun around, giving him a left punch fast. Crap.

I'd missed, and hit Fang's shoulder. He clutched it(I'd swung pretty hard) and dropped a couple feet. I got his flyboy's punch. Stupid blindness! Sometimes I felt like punching myself. My anger fueled my next move. I flew up about three yards in the air, and crunched mine and Fang's opponents head-to-head.

According to Nudge(I got the story later) Fang and the-ever-so-loud- Max teamed up on the last one. It had no chance. The heap of scrap metal fell out of the sky, and hit someone's far-away house with a thud. (Sorry, whoever that was.)

We stayed the night in a cave where Nudge had the brilliant idea to play Mancala for the chocolate bars Gazzy had snagged when we'd had our last snatch-and-snack at a 7-Eleven for the first non squirrel(which tastes alot like jerky to me, and it's not like I can see it). I won a couple times, and then the worst thing that had happened yet.....Happened.

Some poser geek with a giant robot took us by surprise. Apparently, it'd pulled a Fang. We were all in it's clutches. We couldn't move. Some lasery thing shined on all of us(I could see for about a split second) And everyone was dead silent. The geek started laughing.

"Hahaha! You stupid mutants will never get your own will back!"

I blinked. Oh my freaking god, I blinked. You see, blind people don't need to blink, which is just refreshing the eye, and keeping dirt out of it. It sounds nasty, but blind eyes are pretty much just dead tissue. Dont ew me. It's true. I think....

Anyway. The geek began continuing on about how rich he'd be, and that he'd sell us. Whatever, buddy.

The robot, with the geek thinking we were all just puppets now, dropped us. I slowly crept away. God, what I'd have given for Fang's invisibility. Apparently, my blindness was saving us.

Heres why(watch, I'll get scientific and bore you all to death. Then steal your dessert. Woohoo.) You know that saying, "The eyes are the window to the soul"? Apparently they are. This supersize peanut-brain figured out how to take away free will by sort of hypnotizing us. I'm sure you can SEE why it didn't work on me. Really bad pun. Sorry.

So I snuck up behind him(wanting to hum Mission Impossible) and knocked him out. With his own gigantic calculator. It weighed, like, fifteen pounds. Dang.  
When he came to, he was tied up. Then I had some fun.

Steps to dealing with the giant geek that just tried to mess with your family and sell you off:

1. Raid his fridge.  
2. Eat ALL his food you can stomach(I ate nearly all of it, and saved the rest for the flock)  
it in his face that a blind kid beat him.  
sure to include unhypnotising your friends and singing "Old MacDonald" while he holds his tongue.  
him in his spinny geek chair until he gets sick and pukes. You can't see it, so no problem.  
6. Rub it in his face again.  
him let your friends go.  
his wimpy, friendless butt, and leave a note for his mommy.

We flew out of there, feeling like kings. We also stole one of his super-laptops, so Fang could keep blogging.(His other one had been lost in a fight when he was holding Akila. I'm surprised that dog isn't a splat somewhere on the ground.)

I guess blindness isn't that bad. But don't tell Gazzy, he'll want it too.


	2. Geek's Momma

Well, I guess the Super-geek wasn't done with us, because the next day we (oh, it's just such an awful pun!) SAW him. Not me of course, but I knew he was there.

His mommy wasn't some little old geek-caring momma's boy's-momma, either. She was GIANT. She apparently hadn't heard of deodorant, either. Phew. She kicked butt, and there we were, back in Super-geeks nerd-cave. Yay. He flashed us with the laser a couple times again. Except it worked on me.

"Oh no!" you say. "How will the ever so awesome and good-looking hero Iggy save the Flock while incapable of movement?!?!" It's not easy. But I pulled it off.

Okay, I got lucky. With all my senses gone from the ray...or beam...or whatever, I didn't smell it when Gazzy, RIGHT BEFORE we were hypnotized...'let one go'. It must've been nasty, because when the ray wore off about an hour-and-a-half to an hour-forty-five minutes later, we woke up, and geek and mommy were still K-O'ed.

Well, we thought so, anyway. Apparently Gazzy isn't capable of that yet, because they had been faking. Uber-Geek pressed an uber-geek button, and we were trapped. Aqain.

He'd learned his lesson though. No more hypno beam. He just got REALLY close to clipping our wings.

For those of you who may not know, clipping a birds wings is just snipping off the end of thier guide feathers.(Don't try this at home. Your favorite bird{or least favorite} will be Iggy-Grade pissed .) It makes them incapable of flight. And we all know how much fun a blind, sarcastic, chef Iggy is. Imagine him flightless. THERE'S a Fang-Face for you.(OW! Dammit, Fang, Max, leave me alone.) I was ready to kick his skinny geek ass when he got near me with his stupid scissors. What was really funny was that they were safety scissors. They were round all around, and were kindergarten-size. Nudge told me about that later. I nearly died laughing.

Fang managed to give him an atomic wedgie while he was turned around. Can you belive that he actually didn't notice? Apparently one too many had been given. Then he looked in a mirror. I wish I'd have seen his face, because he screamed like Angel back in the first book when she saw the Erasers.

After escaping through a well punched hole in the back wall(Thank you Max) We spent the night over fifty miles away on a lakeside beach.

I don't know what it is, but we just have a thing for beaches. Every single one has brought us a memory. Super-geek, those times Fang nearly died(DAMMIT FANG! Leave me alone!Quit the punching.) Angels abilities, and who can forget the little first kiss....(People, I'm gonna shut up about this now, or Max will beat me into pulp if Fang doesn't beat her to it.)

^Late Night^Okay. I've kicked everyone out of the room except Gazzy, and he's the heaviest sleeper, but he's my roommate. So he stays. I'm fairly sure Fang and Max are having one of thier little late-night talks. Well, I don't care. If I hea....Woah. I'll be right back....

Wierd. Fang and Max are making out. Lovely. I know all you fangirls are like "Ohmigod, Iggy, cut to the Faxness!" No. I don't care, And I really don't want to end up in a dumpster followed by Cold Case files. Not very appealing.

Anyway. I don't dare say this in public, but if Fang and Max get much more serious, in a few years, we may have a new brother or sister. Scary. Hmm...Oh! Angel has.....you'll never guess....it's so surprising....A NEW POWER! I know. Riveting, right? No. It's not really a NEW power, just an addition. Instead of the paradise bird and....other girl face, now she can become ..ANY MEMBER OF THE FLOCK. Except shorter. She is so scary.....I'm with Max on that.

And so ends another chapter with your favorite and most handsome character from Maximum Ride, Iggy.


	3. Mr Lizardmonster

IT'S IGGY, LADIES! I know you missed me. Right? Right? I AM , I know I haven't updated this journally-thing in... months? But I figured you should get to hear more wonderful stories about my exciting life. -insert blind kid wink here-

Yeah. So we were resting a few days ago on the coast of some Californian beach....I really wish I would have seen the girls. I'd kill to see the girls.... And Fang was describing the bikini-clad teenagers and even the women to me. People don't wear much in California, you know that? I actually got some trunks and changed into them before we left and.... Sorry, let me get back to the action.

So this giant.... thing shows up and blocks Nudge's sun. I don't know why she needs sun! Don't ask me. So she yells at it, things like: "What are you doing?" and "Get OUT of my SPOT!" Finally she turns around and screams that a 'Like, huge lizard is gonna eat us and stuff'  
......... haha .  
And we go over there and... Ten points to Hufflepuff if you guess where we end up!  
THAT'S RIGHT! Strapped to it, headed God-knows-where, Unable to move. Freaking ropes were so tight no one could focus long enough to use a power. A few of us passed out. But it was better than those damned trucks I've had to ride in. And God knows I can't handle anymore duct tape ripping off my beautiful skin. Fang muttered something about it being white, so I turn around and stare at its skin. After a while I can see scales. And the scales have little codes in them. It's wierd, they're like really BRIGHT white on his whitish back.

I put two and two together, but got 4. Whoops. Should've been 22. Haha, again. You don't have to be so criticising. GOD.  
That told me it was machinery, or lab-created, because why else would it have white codes? I figured Geek-Boy was back with Ultra-Mommy. I was wrong. This was different. This was worse.

.

.

It was his big brother. We played a great game of Dodgeball, watched some TV.....well, I HEARD some TV..... and kicked his ass thoroughly. But the bad part was that the only thing that was on.  
WAS BLEACH. -maniacal laughter- I'm kidding. I don't hate Bleach that much, for those of you who know what it is, but the majority of the freaking anime is fight scenes. So I hear GRUNT! CHINK! "I'll get you Grimmjow" and a bunch of sand. Not very exciting. Which is why I like Fullmetal Alchemist. So many more words, even when they fight and.  
Sorry. Rambling again. And confusing people. Sorry.

Anyway, we kicked ass and got us a new Lizard. So we're hanging out, still, in this little cave in California, playing hide and seek with a ten foot T-Rex toy.

See you soon. -crazy laughter for no apparent reason- I KNOW THIS CHAPTER SUCKED! REVIEW OR THE JOURNAL GETS IT! -Holds giant club to laptop- 


End file.
